Tengo sueno/I'm sleepy

Estoy cansada, muy cansada. Estoy cansada de estando cansada. Cansada de no teniendo dinero, trabajando siete dias cada semana. Mi pinche carro no sirve, todos mis pinches amigos han movido a otros lugares, y es como todo el mundo tiene mas suerte que yo. Estoy cansada de la mujer en mi trabajo (sabes quien eres) que hace la vida dificil para mi, y los chavos que no trabajan duro. Estoy cansada de sus gatos que vomitan en la casa y mi vecina que rie muy fuerte en la noche. Y hay una solucion?

Ruega. Siempre ruega.

I am tired, very tired. I am tired of being tired. Tired of not having money, working seven days a week. My damn car doesn't work, all of my damn friends have moved to other places, and its like everyone has more luck than me. I am tired of the lady (you know who you are) at my work who makes life difficult for me, and the guys that don't work hard. I am tired of her cats that throw up in the house and my neighbor who laughs so hard at night. Is there a solution?

Pray. Always pray.

El sufrimiento/The suffering

Hoy no voy a escribir nada en ingles, por que las personas que me enojan no entienden el espanol. A mis vecinos borrachos: callense. A las tres en la manana, estoy dormiendo. Puedo oir todo la musica, todo lo que uds. estan diciendo, cuando estan riendo, tomando. Basta ya. Creo que cuando me levanto (a las seis) no quieren levantarse tambien. Entonces callense. Ahorita. (PS: Cabron, ella sabe que estas con la otra? )

Humana tanta/silly human

Es como un dia, todo esta saliendo segun lo planeado. Bueno, hoy todo es diferente. Y en mi futuro, yo no se que va a pasar. Pense que voy a ir a la universidad para tres anos, y despues, voy a tener un buen trabajo, y voy a casar y tener hijos, pero ahora yo no se. Humana tonta, pensando que puedo planear mi propria vida! Que chiste! Pero en el medio de los obstaculos, yace la oportunedad. Es lo que dijo Albert Einstein.

Y afuera de mi clase, mis estudiantes estan peliando y riendo. Recuerdo cuando la vida era mas facil.


It's like one day, everything is going according to plan. But today everything is different. And in mi future, I don't know what will happen. I thought that I was going to the university for three years, and later, I am going to have a good job, and I am going to get married and have babies, but now I don't know. Silly human, thinking that I can plan my own life. What a joke! But in the middle of obstacles, there lies opportunity. That's what Albert Einstein said.

And outside my classroom, my students are fighting and laughing. I remember when life was easier.

Una mosca borracha/A drunk fly

OK, cabronas y cabrones...tengo una nueva idea por mi blog. Voy a escribirlo en espanol y en ingles, entonces puedo practicar espanol, y puedes practicar ingles, si tu quieres. Espanol es una idioma muy bonita, mas bonita que ingles, pero hablo como un gato que esta comiendo montequilla de cacahuates. Mi vida esta un poco loca, y soy una mosca borracha. Para las personas que no me conocen, estaba trabajando a una tienda para tres meses, pero el jefe es un hombre muy malo y no puedo trabajar alli no mas...es un hombre horrible. Pero tengo mucha suerte y ya tengo un otro trabajo a la tienda a donde mi novio trabaja. Que brillante. Ahhh....mi novio....es mi corazon, me apoya todo el tiempo, y me alegro mucho que el es la primera persona que veo en la manana, y la ultima persona que veo en la noche.

OK, shitheads...I have a new idea for my blog. I am going to write it in Spanish and in English, then I can practice spanish, and you can practice English, if you want. Spanish is a very beautiful language, more beautiful than English, but I speak like a cat that is eating peanut butter. My life is a little crazy, and I am a drunk fly. For the people who don't know me, I was working in a store for three months, but the boss is a very bad man and I can't work there any more...he is a horrible man. But I have a lot of luck (thank god) and I already have another job at the store where my boyfriend works. How brilliant. Ahhhh...my boyfriend. He is my heart, he supports me all of the time, and I am so happy that he is the first person that I see in the morning and the last person that I see at night.

Excuses, excuses

My roommate's car got stolen, we got drunk, we got sober, I read the bible, I mopped the floors, I learned some words, I made some calls, I didn't fall down, I bought some clothes, I blew my nose, this guy got shot, I stocked some shelves, I taught some words, I put on my shoes, I took them off, I put them on, the police got called, the air turned cold, he waited for me, I loosened my belt, I put on some lotion, the apple fell on calypso's island, a CD turned, I felt addicted, the wipers wiped, the drier dried, the alarm sounded, the bell rang, I laughed and laughed, I felt proud, I felt bad, I felt better than everyone else, I remembered to love, I drank some water, I got in my car, I shuffled my feet just a bit, I filled the bucket, I turned off the light.

Fist shaking!

I'm shaking my fist at you, academia!!! That's right! You in your distracted, smug, intellectual inability to relate to us non-doctorate holding peons! To you I say, "WTF?" and I HATE saying 'WTF'!

Today at my friend's thesis defense, I was reminded of how much time academics spend showing everyone what they know, taking every opportunity to display their obscure knowledge of some obscure topic that is relevant only to them in their obscure lives. This is the reason I hate the college I went to...and why recollections of my own thesis defense leave nothing but a bitter, bile taste in my mouth and make me want to run to my mommy. It was over a year ago that I defended my thesis on the political socialization of children in Northern Ireland, and it has taken me this long to muster up the courage to even think about returning to school to get my masters degree, and even know I am apprehensive.

Once, when I was about 14 or 15, I was playing a Chopin nocturne in e minor at a recital held in a large church. I was playing from memory, and what would have been about one page into the four page piece, I froze, forgetting what came next, trying several times but convincing myself that what I thought were the right notes to play next weren't (they were, I should've gone with it). Everything turned out alright, my piano teacher brought the music up to me, I was embarassed but i survived, having just experienced only one of the many horrifying moments of my adolescence. My teacher was very concerned after the fact. From her experience, she knew that such a public failure could drastically alter the course of one's musical career, especially at such a young age. I, being somewhat accustomed to awkard embarrasment of the public nature, recovered just fine and kept playing the instrument.

Have I recovered from the disaster of my thesis defense? Not quite, and I am worried that such a dismal personal failure will stay with me for quite some time and inhibit my future studies. I am not fully sure that I understand what the purpose of an undergraduate degree was at my college. It is of no use in the future unless one was able to somehow foresee what they would be interested in studying during graduate school, akin to asking a kindergardener what electives they would like to take in high school. If the idea was to prepare me for a future thesis-defense, that's just great because i would rather siphen drinking water through a hog-rancher's socks for the rest of my life.

I think that I can boil down my resentment to the perception that, possessing enough other insecurities in life, I didn't want intellectual ones as well. My intellect had alway been my fall back, fail safe net, wherein even if i wasn't pretty or successful or well-liked, I was smart. Now of course, I know a little more. My boyfriend seems to think I'm pretty, I'm well-liked amongst family (no small feat, I assure you) , and my success will come later, when all of this seemed like forever ago.

AND, at the convenience store where I work, everyone thinks I'm smart.

Every tuesday, I think.

Every tuesday, I think, I water my only plant. Some lovely leafy thing my mom gave me to increase the feng shui of my new house. my new house continues to be charming, sparsely furnished, way too hot during the afternoon and mine all mine. it has taken on the role of friend as well, which is a new thing for me. i've never lived somewhere before where i felt that that spending time alone at home was sort of like spending time with a friend. (a nice quiet friend who knows when to keep their trap shut).

i've been worried that moving within a block of my boyfriend, living within a block of work, and having no friends that i spend time with frequently, would result in the smothering of my boyfriend...and briefly it did. or rather, we weren't spending enough time apart, which was a strange concept for me...i didn't think there was such a thing. but this recognition has lent to a wonderful increase in the quality of time we spend together, and my absolute joy in him. awww..mushhy mushy puke puke.

que mas?